It's quiet in here—a little TOO quiet—as The Unenthusiastic Critic continues her 2019 Horror Movie Marathon with John Krasinski's muffled monster movie.
THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC
It's alive! The Unenthusiastic Critic's 2019 Halloween Movie Marathon gets underway with a classic creature double-feature from the golden age of the Universal movie monsters.
We're recording our deepest, most intimate thoughts on Steven Soderbergh's seminal debut feature, which is celebrating its 30th anniversary.
The fall's probably gonna kill us, as we celebrate the 50th anniversary of Newman and Redford's quintessential buddy western with The Unenthusiastic Critic's first viewing.
It's the end of the world as we know it, and it can't come fast enough for The Unenthusiastic Critic, as she endures her first viewing of Michael Bay's disaster porn.
It's the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, muppetational episode of The Unenthusiastic Critic yet.
This week, The Unenthusiastic Critic is caught between the moon and New York City, as we sit down for Steve Gordon's dipsomaniacal comedy.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is venturing into the heart of darkness for her first viewing of Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now, released 40 years ago this week.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is firing all of her guns at once at a counterculture classic.
Last year, the Unenthusiastic Critic met Sean Connery's James Bond. Now, she's ready for Moore.
We're celebrating the 40th anniversary of Albert Brooks' seminal, and absurdly prescient, comedy.
Surfing? Bank robbery? Homoerotic bromance? We've found a film The Unenthusiastic Critic can be enthusiastic about.
For St. Patrick's Day, we're heading back to the Emerald Isle with John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara for some John Ford paddywhackery.
We're switching seats this week, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is picking the movie: Spike Lee's semi-autobiographic joint Crooklyn.
That's right, we bad, we bad…and so, to be honest, is STIR CRAZY.
They call him MISTER Tibbs: we're celebrating Black History Month with one of Sidney Poitier's greatest performances.
In the world according to the Unenthusiastic Critic, she wouldn't have to watch movies like this.
Damn it feels good to be a gangster, as The Unenthusiastic Critic enjoys her first viewing of Martin Scorsese's classic mob movie. Plus: Oscar talk!
The Unenthusiastic Critic is thinking about chucking her wedding ring into Mt. Doom.
This week we're discussing all the news that's fit to podcast (and some that isn't).
The Unenthusiastic Critic is an avowed hater of musicals, but can even her cold heart resist the infectious charms of the most beloved musical of all time?
For New Year's Eve, we're rockin' the boat with Master of Disaster Irwin Allen and a star-studded, ultimately disposable cast.
In which we learn the true meaning of Christmas (and never to feed The Unenthusiastic Critic after midnight).
In this holiday season, we're all in it together…except for The Unenthusiastic Critic.
It's the holiday season, so we're holding The Unenthusiastic Critic hostage for her first viewing of the Christmas-adjacent action classic Die Hard.
To celebrate #Noirvember, we're enjoying a femme-fatale face-off, and Nakea's taking lessons on how to have your husband murdered.
I didn't talk the Unenthusiastic Critic into this: she needed this.
On our Election Day episode, The Unenthusiastic Critic goes looking for some Capraesque idealism.
The Unenthusiastic Critic's 2018 Horror Movie Marathon turns to Ash.
Finger-food is served as The Unenthusiastic Critic's Horror Movie Marathon continues.
This week, we're giving The Unenthusiastic Critic's Halloween Movie Marathon another turn of the screw.
As we continue our Halloween Movie Marathon, the Unenthusiastic Critic is heading to camp.
This week, we're beginning our 2018 Halloween Movie Marathon, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is seeing red.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is having a bad hare day.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is taking no prisoners.
With summer days drifting away, we're hopelessly devoting this episode to a campy cultural touchstone.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is ready for her closeup.
On this week's episode, we're on a mission from God.
We're drilling down on our first viewing of Paul Thomas Anderson's celebrated American epic.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is in no mood for monkey business.
On this week's podcast, Michael decided Nakea should watch the third film in the Indiana Jones trilogy. He chose…poorly.
Remember the good old days, when the idea of a Russian-controlled U.S. president was still the stuff of fiction?
This week we're celebrating the 30th anniversary of Martin Brest's classic buddy-comedy. I'll get donuts.
The Unenthusiastic Critic has never seen A Fish Called Wanda? Sorry, that's a chip up the nose.
The Unenthusiastic Critic can't be reasoned with, she can't be bargained with, she doesn't feel pity or remorse, and she will not stop EVER…
The Unenthusiastic Critic needs a hero, and she doesn't find one in 1984's Footloose.
Will The Unenthusiastic Critic appreciate Sidney Lumet's 1975 masterpiece? You can pretty much take that to the bank.
"It's like a Hallmark card with loons on it." The Unenthusiastic Critic is heading into summer with Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda.
Fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hate, as The Unenthusiastic Critic searches her feelings about 1983's Return of the Jedi and the Star Wars films in general.
It's a creature double-feature this week, as we devour George Romero's 1978 zombie classic and Zack Snyder's 2004 remake.
In a winner-takes-it-all Mother's Day episode, Michael is taking a chance on Mamma Mia!, and Nakea couldn't escape if she wanted to.
This week we're watching Savage Steve Holland's cult teen comedy, and The Unenthusiastic Critic wants her two dollars.
Rock us, Amadeus! On this week's podcast, we're composing ourselves for Milos Forman's Oscar-winning tale of music, madness, and murder.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is opening the podcast doors for Kubrick's sci-fi masterpiece, which celebrates its 50th anniversary this month.
The Unenthusiastic Critic is like Ivan Drago: whatever she hits, she destroys. This week, she's lacing up her gloves for a marquee matchup: 1976's Rocky and 1985's Rocky IV.
This Easter, we put The Unenthusiastic Critic in the comfy chair, and had her look at the bright side of life.
This week, we're hitting the beach for Steven Spielberg's homage to the Greatest Generation.
In a March Madness tournament for the ages, Michael and Nakea watch two of the greatest basketball movies of all time.
It seems The Unenthusiastic Critic may be the only woman alive that 007 can't seduce.
This week Nakea is opening Pandora's box, and sitting down for her first viewing of James Cameron's $3 billion blockbuster. Also: Oscars talk!
We're going to the mattresses—and hitting the vino—for Nakea's first viewing of Francis Ford Coppola's Oscar-winning classic.
This week Nakea is picking the movies, as we discuss two cats who won't cop out when there's danger all about.
It's Valentine's Day, and what woman could possibly resist Jane Austen's immortal romance? Well, maybe The Unenthusiastic Critic…
In a gender-bending double-feature, Michael is dragging Nakea to two classic cross-dressing comedies.
This week we're flying into the danger zone, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is setting her sights on Tony Scott's ode to American testosterone.
The Unenthusiastic Critic goes in search of the stuff that dreams are made of, with her first viewing of John Huston's seminal film noir.
On this week's podcast, Nakea is sucking all the marrow—and most of the fun—out of Peter Weir's Oscar-winning classic.
By George, I don't think she gets it. The Unenthusiastic Critic, an avowed musical-hater, sits down for her first viewing of eight-time Oscar winner My Fair Lady.
Where we're going, we don't need roads. It's The Unenthusiastic Critic, now in podcast form! Listen to our pilot episode, as Nakea and I sit down for her first viewing of Back to the Future.
The Unenthusiastic Critic—my reluctant wife—returns for her first viewing of Robert Aldrich's macabre camp classic.
"'If you can paint, I can walk.' Well, he can't paint. And, by the way, that's not how science works, bitch!"
"Santa, just get your moody ass up and do your job! It's your job!"
Because when you fall in love with a movie-geek, this is what you get…
"Don't show me shit like this anymore. Seriously, don't do this."
"They're hanging umbilical cords on trees. This is where you get back on your plane and let these people do whatever the fuck they want to do."
"At least pick up something to hit somebody with! I mean, white people live there: there's gotta be a golf club somewhere!"
"Let's be real. You can't detach this nostalgia and romanticizing of this entire civilization from the fact that it was born on the back of chattel slavery. So to ignore this whole piece of the narrative, and create this idea that you are the oppressed people is just disgusting."
"I'm not doing this. In the time it would take to watch this movie, the polar icecaps would be melting further, and we could all end up dying in a flood. And my last activity on this earth would be watching Gone with the Fucking Wind. And it would be your fault."
"So I think I've always just put Blade Runner in that Waterworld, Thunderdome type of movie genre, where people are fighting wars over pee, or using pee as water, or whatever. I don't know."
"When you traffic in this territory, however satirical or irreverent you want to be, it takes a much stronger empathy towards the material in order to be successful."
"I don't need to investigate shit! Something ain't supposed to be there, I'm getting the fuck out! Peace!"
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh-kay. Oh, No. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH I am out of here. I am done. No. NO. NO! Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I don't like this director. And I didn't like the remake. Therefore, I'm not really sure why we have to do this dance."
She: "That's the fakest ankle-stabbing I've seen in my entire life."
Me: "Just how many ankle-stabbings have you seen, exactly?"
"Zombies aren't really the way to scare me anyway…On the other hand: white people with guns? That's scary."
"Here's my problem with male stripping: I don't want your penis in my face. I don't want to worry about getting herpes of the eye. That is not a turn on."
"Burke needs to die. Because he's an asshole. In a vest. This isn't Outward Bound: why's he wearing a fucking vest?"
"Fuck that shit! Donate to PETA when you get home, but do NOT go back for the fucking cat."
"It's going to make me want to vomit. And you know, I always leave these movies hating white people, so that's just going to be bad for you."
"DON'T TALK TO SEWER CLOWNS!"
"I mean, that would require seriously expert surgical skills, and most of them had feet for hands. So…I don't think it's feasible. "
"Fuck this shit. I would just kill everybody, day one, and lock myself in a closet. 'Sorry, but somebody here is fucked up, and I know it's not me, so everybody gotta go.'"
"It's not cool to make your mama drink your hymen juice. That is not okay."
"On your knees, Fraulein! This is what happens when you leave the Lord. Tweeeeeeeeeeeet…"
Me: "It's pure Joseph Campbell. It's a classic hero's journey."
She: "His journey is that his balls still need to drop."
"Really? We're still farting?"