THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC PODCAST

Destroying our marriage, one movie at a time…

Some are born critics, some become critics, and some have criticism thrust upon them.

Each week, Michael (The Unaffiliated Critic) introduces his reluctant wife Nakea (The Unenthusiastic Critic) to a classic film that nearly everyone else on the planet has already seen.

Because true love means conning your partner into watching movies they really, really don’t want to watch.

EPISODES

Albert Brooks in REAL LIFE (1979)
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REAL LIFE (1979)

We’re celebrating the 40th anniversary of Albert Brooks’ seminal, and absurdly prescient, comedy.

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Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze in POINT BREAK (1991)
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POINT BREAK (1991)

Surfing? Bank robbery? Homoerotic bromance? We’ve found a film The Unenthusiastic Critic can be enthusiastic about.

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Maureen O'Hara and John Wayne in THE QUIET MAN
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THE QUIET MAN (1952)

For St. Patrick’s Day, we’re heading back to the Emerald Isle with John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara for some John Ford paddywhackery.

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Zelda Harris in CROOKLYN
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CROOKLYN (1994)

We’re switching seats this week, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is picking the movie: Spike Lee’s semi-autobiographic joint Crooklyn.

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Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Paul Sorvino, and Joe Pesci in GOODFELLAS
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GOODFELLAS (1990)

Damn it feels good to be a gangster, as The Unenthusiastic Critic enjoys her first viewing of Martin Scorsese’s classic mob movie. Plus: Oscar talk!

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SINGIN' IN THE RAIN
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SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN (1952)

The Unenthusiastic Critic is an avowed hater of musicals, but can even her cold heart resist the infectious charms of the most beloved musical of all time?

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gremlins
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GREMLINS (1984)

In which we learn the true meaning of Christmas (and never to feed The Unenthusiastic Critic after midnight).

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BRAZIL
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BRAZIL (1985)

In this holiday season, we’re all in it together…except for The Unenthusiastic Critic.

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Bruce Willis in DIE HARD
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DIE HARD (1988)

It’s the holiday season, so we’re holding The Unenthusiastic Critic hostage for her first viewing of the Christmas-adjacent action classic Die Hard

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Garance Marillier in RAW (2016)
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RAW (2016)

Finger-food is served as The Unenthusiastic Critic’s Horror Movie Marathon continues.

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THE INNOCENTS (1961)
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THE INNOCENTS (1961)

This week, we’re giving The Unenthusiastic Critic’s Halloween Movie Marathon another turn of the screw.

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suspiria
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SUSPIRIA (1977)

This week, we’re beginning our 2018 Halloween Movie Marathon, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is seeing red.

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grease
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GREASE (1978)

With summer days drifting away, we’re hopelessly devoting this episode to a campy cultural touchstone.

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midnight run
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MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

This week we’re celebrating the 30th anniversary of Martin Brest’s classic buddy-comedy. I’ll get donuts.

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terminator
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THE TERMINATOR (1984)

The Unenthusiastic Critic can’t be reasoned with, she can’t be bargained with, she doesn’t feel pity or remorse, and she will not stop EVER…

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Footloose
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FOOTLOOSE (1984)

The Unenthusiastic Critic needs a hero, and she doesn’t find one in 1984’s Footloose. 

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on golden pond
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ON GOLDEN POND (1981)

“It’s like a Hallmark card with loons on it.” The Unenthusiastic Critic is heading into summer with Katherine Hepburn and Henry Fonda.

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RETURN OF THE JEDI
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RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)

Fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hate, as The Unenthusiastic Critic searches her feelings about 1983’s Return of the Jedi and the Star Wars films in general.

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Mamma Mia
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MAMMA MIA! (2008)

In a winner-takes-it-all Mother’s Day episode, Michael is taking a chance on Mamma Mia!, and Nakea couldn’t escape if she wanted to.

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Better Off Dead
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BETTER OFF DEAD (1985)

This week we’re watching Savage Steve Holland’s cult teen comedy, and The Unenthusiastic Critic wants her two dollars.

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Amadeus
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AMADEUS (1984)

Rock us, Amadeus! On this week’s podcast, we’re composing ourselves for Milos Forman’s Oscar-winning tale of music, madness, and murder.

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2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

The Unenthusiastic Critic is opening the podcast doors for Kubrick’s sci-fi masterpiece, which celebrates its 50th anniversary this month.

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ROCKY
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ROCKY (1976) & ROCKY IV (1985)

The Unenthusiastic Critic is like Ivan Drago: whatever she hits, she destroys. This week, she’s lacing up her gloves for a marquee matchup: 1976’s Rocky and 1985’s Rocky IV.

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Avatar
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AVATAR (2009)

This week Nakea is opening Pandora’s box, and sitting down for her first viewing of James Cameron’s $3 billion blockbuster. Also: Oscars talk!

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The Godfather
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THE GODFATHER (1972)

We’re going to the mattresses—and hitting the vino—for Nakea’s first viewing of Francis Ford Coppola’s Oscar-winning classic.

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PRIDE & PREJUDICE (2005)
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PRIDE & PREJUDICE (2005)

It’s Valentine’s Day, and what woman could possibly resist Jane Austen’s immortal romance? Well, maybe The Unenthusiastic Critic…

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Top Gun (1986)
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TOP GUN (1986)

This week we’re flying into the danger zone, and The Unenthusiastic Critic is setting her sights on Tony Scott’s ode to American testosterone.

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The Maltese Falcon
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THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)

The Unenthusiastic Critic goes in search of the stuff that dreams are made of, with her first viewing of John Huston’s seminal film noir.

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Dead Poets Society
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DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989)

On this week’s podcast, Nakea is sucking all the marrow—and most of the fun—out of Peter Weir’s Oscar-winning classic.

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My Fair Lady
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MY FAIR LADY (1964)

By George, I don’t think she gets it. The Unenthusiastic Critic, an avowed musical-hater, sits down for her first viewing of eight-time Oscar winner My Fair Lady.

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Back to the Future
PODCAST

BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)

Where we’re going, we don’t need roads. It’s The Unenthusiastic Critic, now in podcast form! Listen to our pilot episode, as Nakea and I sit down for her first viewing of Back to the Future.

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ARTICLES

THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER (1957)

“‘If you can paint, I can walk.’ Well, he can’t paint. And, by the way, that’s not how science works, bitch!”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE WICKER MAN (1973)

“They’re hanging umbilical cords on trees. This is where you get back on your plane and let these people do whatever the f@*#they want to do.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

HALLOWEEN (1978)

“At least pick up something to hit somebody with! I mean, white people live there: there’s gotta be a golf club somewhere!”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) – Part Two

“Let’s be real. You can’t detach this nostalgia and romanticizing of this entire civilization from the fact that it was born on the back of chattel slavery. So to ignore this whole piece of the narrative, and create this idea that you are the oppressed people is just disgusting.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) – Part One

“I’m not doing this. In the time it would take to watch this movie, the polar icecaps would be melting further, and we could all end up dying in a flood. And my last activity on this earth would be watching Gone with the Fucking Wind. And it would be your fault.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

BLADE RUNNER (1982)

“So I think I’ve always just put Blade Runner in that Waterworld, Thunderdome type of movie genre, where people are fighting wars over pee, or using pee as water, or whatever. I don’t know.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

JU-ON: THE GRUDGE (2003)

“I don’t need to investigate shit! Something ain’t supposed to be there, I’m getting the fuck out! Peace!”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

RE-ANIMATOR (1985)

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh-kay. Oh, No. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH I am out of here. I am done. No. NO. NO! Are you fucking kidding me?”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE HAUNTING (1963)

“I don’t like this director. And I didn’t like the remake. Therefore, I’m not really sure why we have to do this dance.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE EVIL DEAD (1981)

She: “That’s the fakest ankle-stabbing I’ve seen in my entire life.”
Me: “Just how many ankle-stabbings have you seen, exactly?”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

MAGIC MIKE (2012)

“Here’s my problem with male stripping: I don’t want your penis in my face. I don’t want to worry about getting herpes of the eye. That is not a turn on.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

ALIENS (1986)

“Burke needs to die. Because he’s an asshole. In a vest. This isn’t Outward Bound: why’s he wearing a fucking vest?”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

ALIEN (1979)

“Fuck that shit! Donate to PETA when you get home, but do NOT go back for the fucking cat.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE HELP (2011)

“It’s going to make me want to vomit. And you know, I always leave these movies hating white people, so that’s just going to be bad for you.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

IT (1990)

“DON’T TALK TO SEWER CLOWNS!”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

FREAKS (1932)

“I mean, that would require seriously expert surgical skills, and most of them had feet for hands. So…I don’t think it’s feasible. “

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE THING (1982)

“Fuck this shit. I would just kill everybody, day one, and lock myself in a closet. ‘Sorry, but somebody here is fucked up, and I know it’s not me, so everybody gotta go.’”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE EXORCIST (1973)

“It’s not cool to make your mama drink your hymen juice. That is not okay.”

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THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)

“On your knees, Fraulein! This is what happens when you leave the Lord. Tweeeeeeeeeeeet…

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Star Wars (1977)
THE UNENTHUSIASTIC CRITIC

STAR WARS (1977)

Me: “It’s pure Joseph Campbell. It’s a classic hero’s journey.”
She: “His journey is that his balls still need to drop.”

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